


Not Hungry

by FyoraSilverwolf



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Depression, Eating, Eating Disorders, Gen, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 14:10:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5873488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FyoraSilverwolf/pseuds/FyoraSilverwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve doesn't get hungry any more. He makes himself eat after scheduled intervals, but sometimes needs a little help convincing himself when the time rolls around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Hungry

**Author's Note:**

> This is possibly a symptom of depression. It's based on my own experience, and I know I have depression, so it might be a little too close to home for some people.

Out of the corner of his eye, Steve carefully watched the clock as it ticked by _—_   _5:58:15, 5:58:16_

He punched and kicked the bag in front of him, keeping up his rhythm... _5:59 ..._

The chain of the bag clinked and rattled out of time with the seconds. _— 6:00_.

It was six o'clock. It had now been five hours. He stilled the bag. 

Five hours was sufficient time between meals for a normal person, let alone a super-soldier. He unwrapped his hands and stretched out his fingers, getting re-accustomed to the lack of restraint. His mood had dipped quite noticeably earlier, which he knew meant he needed to eat, but four hours was just not sufficient time, so he went to the gym in hopes of working up an actual appetite. It hadn't worked, but at least it kept him distracted until his scheduled mealtime.

But now it was here, and he still didn't feel any hunger at all, or any more like eating than he had an hour ago. This was a common enough occurrence, but it didn't stop Steve from taking out his just-as-common frustration on the tail end of his gym cooldown routine. If things were held a bit tighter, pushed away a bit more roughly, or closed a bit quicker, he ignored it. Maybe someone on the team hadn't eaten yet either. He headed to the elevator. Having someone else eat often helped him get himself to eat. Even if it was only initially out of politeness, the first few bites could often flip the switch and he'd actually eat appropriate to the hunger he should've felt all along. 

Inside the elevator, Steve held the guardrail tight, hanging his head down. The solid cool of the metal was grounding. He needed it when he closed his eyes, or he felt like he would be lost, back in a frozen nothingness that he expected when he put the plane in the Arctic all those years ago. He partly found himself longing for it, but also terrified of being lost to it. A muted  _kshhh_ signaled the opening of the elevator. He pushed himself up from the guardrail. It wasn't a necessary exertion, but it was always easier to return to the world of the living with some amount of force. It felt more final and committed to living that way.

He walked down the hallway with careful, measured steps to focus himself away from the despair that was brewing in his mind. Sometimes, it would settle in his chest like a weight, but he knew it really originated in his gut. He really needed to get something to eat soon.  

**Author's Note:**

> I stopped here because I'm not certain who/what Steve finds in the common room. I felt like I should share something written with all of you wonderful people, though. Possibly a work in progress, but if you're inspired by what's here, totally go for it. My writing background fully supports people taking my ideas and going their own way with them.


End file.
